I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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