I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
