i think my tv is drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
