its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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