Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
