if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
