Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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