Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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