so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
