i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
