He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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