i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
