Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
