I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
