I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
