she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
