HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
