We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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