Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
