sarcasm needs its own font
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
