I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
