Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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