please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
