U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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