why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
