HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
