Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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