Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
