she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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