four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
