I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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