I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
