First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
