did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
