hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
