cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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