just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
