You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't notice because vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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