So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
