i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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