Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
