I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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