I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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