The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
