obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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