Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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