I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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