you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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