Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
