youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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