I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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