grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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