The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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