The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize