I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
