We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
