mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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