47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
