end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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