Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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