I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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