I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
