she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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