Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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